Motivation by Personal Connection
Much has been written about the importance of a student's personal connection with a teacher. Though a few students feel disengaged from school and see teachers as a bother, most students want to know that their teachers like them.
The teacher connection desired by students who want to be successful in school usually includes knowing about them personally. On the
other hand, some successful students view a teacher's attempts to get to know them personally as intrusive. The success-oriented students who do not welcome personal level communication from a teacher still want the teacher to care about whether or not they develop academic skills.
Gifted students have been known, when necessary, to learn in spite of an uncaring or unchallenging teacher. But for some gifted students, a
personal connection with the teacher is paramount. If you are a parent of one of these students, it is important first to strive to find the strongest teachers you can. Sometimes these students are driven by a more general need for affiliation, a concept developed by Harvard psychologist David McClelland. Such students may focus on concerns such as restoring close and friendly relationships, joining groups, participating in pleasant social activities, and enjoying shared activities with family or friends. Their behaviors tend to focus on being cooperative, supportive, and friendly and then tend to value belonging and conformity to the group.
If your gifted child is focused on teacher approval and acceptance ask yourself the following questions:
Do I foster an understanding of the value of education that is unrelated to how much my child likes the teacher?
Do I make sure I do not talk negatively about the teacher(s) where my child can hear?
Have I arranged to meet with the teacher to help him/her develop a connection with my child?
Have I given my child strategies for coping with perceived unfriendliness whether real or imagined?
Have I discussed ways I have been successful in working with someone with whom I did not get along?
Investigate Further
The teacher connection desired by students who want to be successful in school usually includes knowing about them personally. On the
other hand, some successful students view a teacher's attempts to get to know them personally as intrusive. The success-oriented students who do not welcome personal level communication from a teacher still want the teacher to care about whether or not they develop academic skills.
Gifted students have been known, when necessary, to learn in spite of an uncaring or unchallenging teacher. But for some gifted students, a
personal connection with the teacher is paramount. If you are a parent of one of these students, it is important first to strive to find the strongest teachers you can. Sometimes these students are driven by a more general need for affiliation, a concept developed by Harvard psychologist David McClelland. Such students may focus on concerns such as restoring close and friendly relationships, joining groups, participating in pleasant social activities, and enjoying shared activities with family or friends. Their behaviors tend to focus on being cooperative, supportive, and friendly and then tend to value belonging and conformity to the group.
If your gifted child is focused on teacher approval and acceptance ask yourself the following questions:
Do I foster an understanding of the value of education that is unrelated to how much my child likes the teacher?
Do I make sure I do not talk negatively about the teacher(s) where my child can hear?
Have I arranged to meet with the teacher to help him/her develop a connection with my child?
Have I given my child strategies for coping with perceived unfriendliness whether real or imagined?
Have I discussed ways I have been successful in working with someone with whom I did not get along?
Investigate Further
You must guide your child to learn ways to be successful in academic challenges even when he/she and the teacher do not connect at a personal level. To learn more about this open the link above.
The article at the above link by Andre Mahoney, a counselor and family therapist who specializes in working with gifted children and their families, provides a framework for understanding what is important in the development of identity in gifted students. When there is a teacher-student disconnect it may be because the teacher is not be supporting the development of what Mahoney sees as the four constructs of identity development: validation, affirmation, affiliation, and affinity. Remember, the teacher may not even be aware of this disconnect or feel uncertain as to why a disconnect exists.
The skit on personal connection was developed and performed by students from Kemps Landing/Old Donation School. The young lady in this skit is so focused on how her teacher feels about her (from her perspective) that she becomes unconcerned about her grades. You might enjoy sharing this with your child. Let is serve as a spark for a conversation between you and your child about motivation. |
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References
Mahoney, Andrew S. 2001. In Search Of
The Gifted Identity: From abstract concept to workable counseling constructs.
Retrieved from Counseling the Gifted web site: http://www.counselingthegifted.com/pdfs/insearchofID.pdf
McClelland, David. (1988). Human Motivation. Cambridge University Press, MA
McClelland, David. (1988). Human Motivation. Cambridge University Press, MA