Supporting Attainment Motivation
Parents of highly competitive children need to help them understand their competitive natures. That is, let him know that you support his efforts to succeed but want to ensure that he learns to maintain perspective on winning and
losing.
Ongoing support is often necessary to help a child learn to manage the intense emotions that go along with being highly competitive. This takes more than trying to devalue the meaning of the competition and homilies
such as everybody loses sometimes or it's okay to lose if you try your best.
Acknowledge Your Child's Competitiveness
While providing some perspective on winning and losing it is important to acknowledge that your child is a competitor and that intense feelings are a part of her personality. Since she is and may always be competitive it is important as parents to recognize her emotions and the intensity of those feelings in order to help her learn to manage them. This may be especially true for gifted students who are highly sensitive and emotionally intense as well as competitive. For an introduction to emotional intensity in gifted students see the SENG article on Emotional Intensity in Gifted Children.
Discuss Self-regulation skills
As a parent you can explore the studies on self-regulations skills with your child and discuss which skills will most help her manage her intensity. Develop a skills attainment plan with your child and then coach your child on her progress toward mastering the skills in the plan. The following
article may serve as a starting point for a discussion of skills. The article Executive Functioning:The Hidden Curriculum reviews the research on a large component of self-regulation referred to as executive functioning skills.
Discuss How to Celebrate Success
Encourage your child to celebrate his success, but not at the expense of his competitors. He needs to understandthat if he is not better than someone else simply because he won one competition on one day. Talk about competitive accomplishments in terms of the skills he demonstrated and the effort he put into winning.
Discuss How to Interpret Losing
Though she will never like losing, help her to see failure as an opportunity to learn. She can use the opportunity of losing to re-evaluate her skill levels and the quality of her effort. She may use this time as an opportunity to strategize how she will upgrade her skills. Carol Dweck's work on Mindset provides ideas for helping students assess the meaning of success and of failing.
Focus on Skill Acquisition Rather than Grades
Recognize his accomplishments in school, but do not focus simply on grades. Comment on the specific skills he is acquiring. Remark on how he is progressing toward deeper and broader understandings. Draw the comparison to what skills and understandings he had mastered earlier in the school year to where he has progressed since then. For these students to be successful in school they must see academics as an opportunity to prove themselves.
The Guidelines for Supportive Parents article from the Rutgers Exercise Science Department provides a list of characteristics of supportive parents of children in competitive sports. Most of the ideas pertain to competitiveness in any domain and address the concerns of how to celebrate winning, how to interpret losing.
losing.
Ongoing support is often necessary to help a child learn to manage the intense emotions that go along with being highly competitive. This takes more than trying to devalue the meaning of the competition and homilies
such as everybody loses sometimes or it's okay to lose if you try your best.
Acknowledge Your Child's Competitiveness
While providing some perspective on winning and losing it is important to acknowledge that your child is a competitor and that intense feelings are a part of her personality. Since she is and may always be competitive it is important as parents to recognize her emotions and the intensity of those feelings in order to help her learn to manage them. This may be especially true for gifted students who are highly sensitive and emotionally intense as well as competitive. For an introduction to emotional intensity in gifted students see the SENG article on Emotional Intensity in Gifted Children.
Discuss Self-regulation skills
As a parent you can explore the studies on self-regulations skills with your child and discuss which skills will most help her manage her intensity. Develop a skills attainment plan with your child and then coach your child on her progress toward mastering the skills in the plan. The following
article may serve as a starting point for a discussion of skills. The article Executive Functioning:The Hidden Curriculum reviews the research on a large component of self-regulation referred to as executive functioning skills.
Discuss How to Celebrate Success
Encourage your child to celebrate his success, but not at the expense of his competitors. He needs to understandthat if he is not better than someone else simply because he won one competition on one day. Talk about competitive accomplishments in terms of the skills he demonstrated and the effort he put into winning.
Discuss How to Interpret Losing
Though she will never like losing, help her to see failure as an opportunity to learn. She can use the opportunity of losing to re-evaluate her skill levels and the quality of her effort. She may use this time as an opportunity to strategize how she will upgrade her skills. Carol Dweck's work on Mindset provides ideas for helping students assess the meaning of success and of failing.
Focus on Skill Acquisition Rather than Grades
Recognize his accomplishments in school, but do not focus simply on grades. Comment on the specific skills he is acquiring. Remark on how he is progressing toward deeper and broader understandings. Draw the comparison to what skills and understandings he had mastered earlier in the school year to where he has progressed since then. For these students to be successful in school they must see academics as an opportunity to prove themselves.
The Guidelines for Supportive Parents article from the Rutgers Exercise Science Department provides a list of characteristics of supportive parents of children in competitive sports. Most of the ideas pertain to competitiveness in any domain and address the concerns of how to celebrate winning, how to interpret losing.
References
Dawson, P & Guare, R. (2009). Executive Skills: the hidden curriculum. Principal Leadership. Retrieved from the National Association of School Psychologists Online Web site: http://www.nasponline.org/resources/principals/Excutive%20Functioning_NASSP_Mar%2009.pdf
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: the new psychology of success. New York, NY, Random House. Dweck, C. (2006-2010). Mindset. Retrieved from
Mindset Online Web site: http://mindsetonline.com/
Fiegley, D. Guidelines for supportive parents. Retrieved from the Rutgers Youth Sports Research Council Online Website: http://youthsports.rutgers.edu/resources/general-interest/guidelines-for-supportive-parents
Siegle, D., McCoach, D.B., Greene, M, & Reis, S. (2000). Making a difference: strategies to increase student motivation and academic achievement. Retrieved from: http://www.gifted.uconn.edu/Siegle/NRCGTUnderachievementStudy.htm
Sword, L.K. Retrieved from the Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted Online Web site: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/emotional-intensity-in-gifted-children
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: the new psychology of success. New York, NY, Random House. Dweck, C. (2006-2010). Mindset. Retrieved from
Mindset Online Web site: http://mindsetonline.com/
Fiegley, D. Guidelines for supportive parents. Retrieved from the Rutgers Youth Sports Research Council Online Website: http://youthsports.rutgers.edu/resources/general-interest/guidelines-for-supportive-parents
Siegle, D., McCoach, D.B., Greene, M, & Reis, S. (2000). Making a difference: strategies to increase student motivation and academic achievement. Retrieved from: http://www.gifted.uconn.edu/Siegle/NRCGTUnderachievementStudy.htm
Sword, L.K. Retrieved from the Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted Online Web site: http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/emotional-intensity-in-gifted-children