Fear of Failure in the Perfectionistic Child
Research on perfectionism demonstrates that it can be a maladaptive, anxiety-ridden perspective on accomplishment. An unhealthy perfectionist gauges his own sense of worth on the basis of being as perfect as possible. He assesses whether he is meeting either his own unreasonable standards or his perception of the highly stringent demands of others (a perception that may or may not be accurate). When children strive for excellence but learn to tolerate their mistakes it is sometimes referred to as healthy perfectionism.
Perfectionists can demand perfection of themselves, demand perfection from others, or both. A child who is a perfectionist may develop goal-avoidance behavior toward accepting challenging tasks. That is, if given the option, she may decide not to accept a challenging task because there is a real possibility that she cannot complete it perfectly within the time-frame given. As a result, the perfectionistic student sometimes does not turn in assignments because she cannot get them to be perfect.
The emotional intensity of perfectionism is caused by or significantly augmented by mindset. The perfectionist may use negative, overly critical self-talk in his attempts to please his parents or others, to overcome a sense of shame, or to bring some kind of order to his world. He feels that other people accept him only on the condition that he remains perfect in what he does. He does not accept criticism well because it is perceived as judging him to be unacceptable and unlovable.
The Mindset for Accomplishment website page on perfectionism provides strategies on how to promote a growth mindset so that your child develops the ability to accept and welcome challenges and then persist in the face of obstacles . Other pages on the Mindset website will provide tips on helping a perfectionistic student develop a healthier approach to motivation. We highly recommend that you go to the mindset site if you have a perfectionistic child.
Perfectionists can demand perfection of themselves, demand perfection from others, or both. A child who is a perfectionist may develop goal-avoidance behavior toward accepting challenging tasks. That is, if given the option, she may decide not to accept a challenging task because there is a real possibility that she cannot complete it perfectly within the time-frame given. As a result, the perfectionistic student sometimes does not turn in assignments because she cannot get them to be perfect.
The emotional intensity of perfectionism is caused by or significantly augmented by mindset. The perfectionist may use negative, overly critical self-talk in his attempts to please his parents or others, to overcome a sense of shame, or to bring some kind of order to his world. He feels that other people accept him only on the condition that he remains perfect in what he does. He does not accept criticism well because it is perceived as judging him to be unacceptable and unlovable.
The Mindset for Accomplishment website page on perfectionism provides strategies on how to promote a growth mindset so that your child develops the ability to accept and welcome challenges and then persist in the face of obstacles . Other pages on the Mindset website will provide tips on helping a perfectionistic student develop a healthier approach to motivation. We highly recommend that you go to the mindset site if you have a perfectionistic child.
The link below directs you to a video by the author of When Perfect Is Not Good Enough. Martin Antony reviews his own research and that of others to discuss the typical thinking, belief system, and feelings of perfectionists. He also discusses the types of motivation supported by the research.
References
Antony, M. (2010). When perfect is not good enough. Ted Talks. Retrieved from Youtube site: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTbnBmwKuCI
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York, NY: Ballantine Press.
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York, NY: Ballantine Press.